time flies ...

damn, it's been 4 years since high school already .. in a few month i'll be a college graduate .. maybe not to a degree that i wanted to get but either way i guess it's better than no degree ..

im actually kind of scared .. still haven't heard back from any pharmacy programs yet , nothing new its been like that for the last 2 years already.. it kind of feels like high school again where im waiting for acceptance letter to get into a college and when i finally got into LIU for pre-pharm, i was happy as hell .. but then 4 years later *boom* .. disappointment .. i really don't know where my future is heading at this point ..do  i really want to do masters at LIU for bio? not really .. but do i have a choice? not really either. If i go out onto the field to work right now there is not much i can do, not with a bachelors anyways .. and there is no way in hell would i ever be able to pay off my debt which is climbing up. So my only choice really is to do grad work .. which i kind of have no interest at whatsoever ..but in a way you really cant always just do things that you want to do, i guess i have to live up to the consequences of not working hard enough during freshmen year or maybe even high school time. If i had chance to go back in time to make up this, i really think i would then probably i wouldn't be in this situation.

I guess what really made me want to write this article is how it seems like everyone around me is actually going somewhere with their life while i feel like im just falling down deeper into this hole where im not able to climb back up. Ben got a job with Google and is gonna make like 100k a year while Kevin got into MIT and Carnigie Mellon recently and is most likely going to soon be a top of a kind engineer, David on the other hand is definitely going to something meaningful with his life and if not at least he'll do things to improve the life of others, at least there is some sort of plan involved but where does that take me? where am i in the future? In a way i dont think we'll not be friends anymore and i don't think we'll drift apart but things will be different for sure because we all have our own path to take but will i be able to fit into a group of friends that is possibility the future of society and future contributers of the world while im here .. still here in the same place not knowing what to do or where to go?

Recently, i just discovered how dull and how boring my life is after i had a five minute chat with my boss. He told me to get a gf so i can find things to do and be taken care of and enjoy my life more and not end up like this other older guy who works in my store. I guess its true in a way. My life really is consist of school, work and hanging out with the guys. It hasn't been much different for like the last 6 years ever since i've started to work. Im always the type to let things go as they go and im never much of an opportunity seizer. There were probably dozens of girls who i've had probably good feelings for or who i think might have good feelings for me but i never manage to do anything about it. I don't know if i set my standard too high in trying to find the perfect girl but it just seems like every time i get close or we get close i just pull away and i don't do anything more afterward ..(being gay is definitely not a factor as some might speculate) .. but seriously, i am really in no position to set my standards high or pick the so call "perfect" girl .. i think i just don't want to pick any girl to be my gf just for the sake of having a gf which i guess is unfair to both sides...

I hate that i always use xanga only to write about pessimistic things, but i feel like this is the only good use for it.To tell and say things that i don't want to say or discuss about in the real world. nd i like it that no one really reads it ever except for the usual few ..

anyways .. adios xanga .. maybe another entry in a couple of months, thanks for listening

woke up early

Damn, 2011 is here already .. i guess last year went pretty well for me overall

Just received all my grades last night .. 3.54 semester .. my best semester yet to date in my college education. I should feel proud since it is my last semester but in some way i am kind of disappointed. The thing is that i pushed myself really hard this semester, took 3 Bio classes with one of them being a graduate course and 2 easier classes but i didn't really get the grade that i expected from each class except for like spanish. I was hoping without courses like physics or math or like organic chem i would do much better like  3.75 but that didn't really planned out. I guess i just have to accept the fact that you won't always have things the way you want it: expect more, got less ..thats just life ..

Next semester will be even harder .. 20 credits, my last 20 credits before i finish college with a Bio Bachelor's degree.. it wasn't the degree that i planned to get 4 years ago but i still haven't given up yet. I applied once again for the third time .. third time is a charm.. i really need to get in .. and i really tried hard to push up my gpa and everything and i really hope that i'll just get one opportunity .. if i don't then i really don't know whats going to happen ... i might just stay in LIU to do grad school and get a masters at Bio which will not make me happy .. i fked up way too much before and now i just need a chance and an opportunity to redeem myself and to make me and my family proud..  please someone decent just read my essays, analyze my grades and grant me an interview .. make my 2011 a year that will change my life !!

Summer

Wo0t so finally , summer is here .. i hate how so many of us are never satisfied with what we have .. when we want something we all hope and pray and scream and beg just to get what we want but then when you finally get it its like hmm not a big deal

I remember when i hoped that Summer vacation would finally start and now that it has .. its like i want to go back to school for one: i kind of want to finish my undergraduate study faster so i can decide where i want to go in the next stage of my life .. 2: i am already sick of working especially when my mean boss comes back i will be eve more sick .. three: i am tired of not knowing what day of the week it is haha ..

On the bright side .. i am looking forward to the cruise that i'll be going to at the beginning of June ..  3 cheers for Canada !!

Anyways heres some stuff i want to get and accomplish before summer ends because this summer is like THREE MONTHS long !! remember in High School when summer was only like 2 months? and then everyone's like "damn summer is over already?" but now its like you start so early and its like "damn we're still on summer vacation ?? " 

1. Work more i guess (even though i don't want to) save at least 1500-2000 dollars ++ (idealistically) so i can go back to Hong Kong during the winter break !! 

2. Get new contacts because i don't wanna break my glasses or injured my classes when i play basketball

3. Play Basketball / Exercise a tad more

4. Bother my brother until he lets me drive (i've gotten my license since september and have never driven ! =[ )

5. Get a pair of nice sunglasses haha (ray-ban ?) 

6. Play the guitar more 

7. Read a book .. i really want to read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, it's gotten good reviews and i i think i will get to that

... that's all i got for now, i hope i will get to at least 5 of these resolutions haha

anyways "do great goods and great deeds and greater results is bound to happen"  

adios 

rejection #2

sooo i got rejected from the pharmacy program AGAIN.. =/ nothing new i guess .. wasn't expected to get in anyways but you know how sometimes you say you don't care but you know in your heart you really do .. when you say you know you're not gonna get in .. you're really hoping there would be a miracle but i guess miracle only happens like when you really dont expect it ...

im really not all out upset about it but i guess it does hurt me a little .. i brought up my GPA last sem but it really wasnt still good enough .. but on the brighter note i should be graduating by the end of next spring semester or maybe i still need 1 or 2 summer course .. not sure yet but i've decided im not gonna walk for graduation .. at least not with a Biology Degree .. not that theres anything wrong with it a Bio degree. The reason i guess is that i guess i wanna make something out of myself and really graduate with something that i TRULY want. I wanna walk with a degree that i am truly proud of .. a degree that i can make a living with, a degree that can make my mom proud .. and i feel that graduation from college is a really significant moment .. i dont wanna ruin it by walking in graduation with something that i myself is not truly proud of .. yea thats my theory .. and my friend asked .. "what if you don't graudate from anything else anymore after that? what are you gonna do?" .. well we'll come to that when we cross that path .. but i'll def make sure that i will walk in a graduation and walk with a degree that i am proud of

and as for the other things in life? i don't know haha, i feel so empty sometimes and it feels like i just do the same thing everyday and every week .. i want some real excitement .. meet some new people have some fun but i just feel lazy sometimes

and theres this girl that i really want to know better and make a move on but i dunno being me i'll never do it =/ we'll see what happen

until next time ...